im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
