Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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