So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
