Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
