I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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