you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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