I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
