allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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