And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
