she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize