Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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