A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
