Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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