belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
even my farts smell like vagina
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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