I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize