True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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