I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
