So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
