I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
