Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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