i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
