Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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