i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
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the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
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Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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