It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
