:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
