I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
my poor anus
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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