I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
