woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Did I show you my penis last night?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
