Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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