I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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