They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
