My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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