I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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