there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
