I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
