i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
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