i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
