thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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