im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
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You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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