i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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