I wish I could punch you in the face.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
