I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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