so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
