I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!