I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.