I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
