so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
