i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
