some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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