White coat. Heels.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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