please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
