Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Semen is not good for contacts.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
