my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
