Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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