Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
