ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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