he thought i was a dude.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
