There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
