she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
