how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
