I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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